I turn 21 tomorrow. I have never particularly liked to celebrate my birthday.
I'm starting to get pretty depressed again, which might be clear from the drop-off in site updates (and maybe my tone here). Ostensibly, I am busy with school, but I've really just been sad. I've tried for three days in a row to do what I'd like to do with my notes. I'm probably not going to post them here after all. The prospect makes me lean a lot harder into my perfectionist tendencies, but I won't completely dismiss the possibility.
Birthday plans: I've got a little dollar shot chilling in the snow outside that I'll open at around midnight. I'll be lighting two candles, smoking my allotted Cigarette Of The Year, drinking a bit, and sitting in the freezing cold until I decide it's time to go inside. I prefer to spend my birthday in quiet solitude, but I've got an evening of adhering to social norms lined up against my wishes. It's just how it is. I've never gotten to decide how the actual day is spent when I've been home. None of my friends live here anymore, but even if I did have anyone to "invite", I don't like to be the center of attention, anyway. I'd prefer hot lead through my skull to the traditional chorus...
Christ's sake, that's gloomy. I hope I feel better soon.
Edit for Posterity [2022-03-01]
I didn't end up doing any of that shit. I don't live alone anymore so it's harder to get away with late-night things that involve leaving the house. I think I just went to bed. Better that way. I knew how that next day would go.
Site Updates [2022-02-09]
- Just the Journal page.